The Dragon Lady's Journey

Happy Samhain or Halloween if you prefer. First off, my surgery was canceled yesterday. We were bumped by 2 trauma patients and my Surgeon did not want to wait until after 9 pm with a tired team and a tired surgeon. He was visibly upset and I respect his decision. It is rescheduled to an outpatient center tomorrow and I will get to come home after the surgery. To be honest it wasn’t the surgery that was making me nervous, it was having to stay overnight in the hospital. This is much better.
With that business addressed, let’s move on to the topic for today, giving and receiving. I have always been a giver, it is one of my love languages for showing love. The problem comes in that it is NOT one of my love languages for receiving love. I am also a highly independent person and having to rely on someone else is EXTREMELY hard. So what does my Higher Power do? Breaks my leg so I HAVE to be dependent and accepting of help and gifts. 😬 It has been two weeks now and I have at least 6 more to go! I am so grateful to all the people who have showed up helped, and yet I struggle feeling like a mooch.
Giving actually triggers a part of the brain that senses happiness and well being. This is also found when being of service to others. I love gift giving and pride myself on taking it to the ultimate level. I spend hours thinking of and then searching for just the right gift. Watching someone opening that gift just makes the whole thing perfect.
Yet, I was raised with some not so healthy beliefs that accepting help or gifts from other people was being a lazy user. My family had some serious hang-ups around being poor. Being poor was not the bad thing it was accepting any kind of handout. It was better to starve than to accept help. I have struggled throughout my life to accept help and Hand-ups (as I prefer to call them).
The thought that crosses my mind as I write this, how selfish I have been. I love the feeling that I get when I give a gift or help someone else. Yet, I don’t want to allow others that same feeling. Hmm, there must be a balance. I need to find the balance between giving and receiving. I need to find out how to ask for help and then how to ACCEPT help. https://news.arizona.edu/news/understanding-brain-science-behind-giving-and-receiving-gifts

What are your thoughts? I would love to hear them! Have a great day 💞