The Dragon Lady's Journey

I realize that it is April Fools Day, but I would like to discuss something I take very seriously. Love and Love Languages. I realize that most people view “Love Languages” as how THEY need to receive Love, i.e. ‘my love language is Quality Time, so if you love me, you HAVE to give me your time.’ I have found a big flaw in that way of looking at Love Languages. What I am talking about is being demanding and controlling in regards to how someone treats you and shows you affection. That, to me, is a problem and not what love is all about.
A little disclaimer here: I have never actually read the book by Gary Chapman. I am just going off of Google searches and what I have discussed with others.
I have discovered in my life that I am much happier if I understand how I Show my Love. I have two love languages, maybe more, but my top two are “Gift Giving” and “Acts of Service.” I Love figuring out exactly what YOU want, not what I think you need, but what you will actually use and enjoy. I also love going out of my way to help you, within reason, of course; I will not be a doormat. By figuring out how I express my love, it was easier to see how my loved ones expressed their love.
The next thing I realized, and this took a long time and a lot of heartache, is that if I truly love someone, I need to observe and discover how they express love. Insisting that someone show me Love the way I want them to show it to me is being controlling and is setting expectations. Is that truly love? Doesn’t setting strict and severe expectations lead to resentments? Are we not supposed to love someone for who they are and not try to change them? I am not suggesting that you don’t have boundaries, or that you not have conversations with your loved one and try to be authentic and upfront about your needs. Being upfront and authentic is different from being demanding and manipulative.
I started using this concept in my own life several years ago. I observed that the Love of my Life shows his love through “Words of Affirmation” and “Acts of Service.” Once I realized this and started noticing his expressions of love, I became more secure in our relationship and quit having unrealistic expectations. I slowly but surely quit being demanding and manipulative. Now, here is the crazy thing: the more secure I became, the more he began giving me, in addition to his baseline languages, more of the time and personal touch I was craving.
I am not promising that it will work with everyone. If you are in an abusive or neglectful relationship, then get out. However, if there is hope, why not give it a try? What do you have to lose?